NYC high school admission process fries brain of 13-yr-old

Authorities report that 8th grader Samuel Tarpley has successfully completed the grueling New York City high school admissions process. He is now resting comfortably at home and receiving fluids intravenously. "The application process is comparable to a 6-month-long colonoscopy," explained a city official, "only less pleasant." Samuel visited a dozen schools, went on five interviews, took two standardized tests, and wrote multiple application essays. "At this point, Samuel's brain activity has been reduced to that of a potato," explained the official. "The good news is that this puts him at the 85th percentile of NYC public high school students."